First Shot at Confidence

“…while screaming through the ups and downs of this roller coaster, I found voice”

I vividly remember my first day of college. I was grouped together with a few students whose names were around mine on the attendance sheet and we were taken on a college tour. I was nervous, mostly because I came from a small town and did not speak impeccable English like most others. I stayed quiet most of the tour, trying to soak in the atmosphere of the college. By the end of the first week I had managed to make two friends but I was still the quiet, shy girl.

It was the second week of college and I remember a mail from the Student Council, saying that auditions for the theatre club were being held. I had always been interested in theatre but due to fewer opportunities back home, never pursued it. Thus, this seemed like the perfect opportunity and I decided to audition. Each audition was beautiful, dynamic and confident. I knew it in my heart that I was not half as good as others. A part of me wanted to leave, but a part of me wanted to give it a shot for the satisfaction of at least trying. I did not audition till the very last, until I was the only one left. I was particularly afraid of the comments the seniors would pass and how I would be judged and mocked.

I slowly walked towards the performance arena and was handed dialogues from a Hindi play about freedom struggle. The lines required aggression and distress. All eyes were on me. Most wondered, if this quite girl even had a voice. I glanced at my lines, took a deep breath, gathered courage and said my lines with as much aggression I could. I could hear my voice strain, my face flush but I continued till the very end. I finished and heard a few claps. I walked back and my friend patted me on my back. Though I was not selected for the role as my performance was average but after screaming my lungs out that day, I realized that I had a newfound confidence.  I understood that all of us first years were scared, nervous and were in the same boat trying to find our own voice, trying to make sense of this.

From that day on, I remained the quiet girl because that is who I am but I was confident and comfortable in my own skin. I realized that day that college would be a roller coaster ride; full of ups and downs, scary but fun. Three years later, as I walk out from this college, I know I deciphered the purpose of all this and while screaming through the ups and downs of this roller coaster, I found voice.

Article by: Devyani Chaitanya Nighoskar (Batch of 2017)

Photograph by:  Akhil Reddy (Batch of 2019)

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